I recently broke down and bought a “new” 2006 Ford Fusion with about 45k miles on it. It’s a great car, roomy, fun to drive, and it looks pretty nice – even if I do need to fend off a little bitterness from the wifey. Buying a “new” car is something I’ve never really done. The car is black – not my favorite color due to its propensity to show dust easily, but the price was right. Now, I’ve bought hand-me-down family cars, but never from a dealer before. It was pretty nice, he took care of the taxes and title/registration transfer.
I ran into a problem on day #2 of ownership though – and here is your challange: find the flaw in my actions during the first 2 days of ownership.
I picked up the car on a Monday night, and drove it home (weeeeeee!). The next morning, I drive it into work (weeeeee!). I admired my car in the parking lot at work as I walked away from it. After work, I notice as I walk up to my car that my suspicions about the black color of the car exposing any and all dust were confirmed! Blast! Not to worry, there is a cheap automatic car wash on the way home so I can see her sparkle. I took her for a quick bath, and drove home.
I pulled into my driveway, and sure enough – she was sparkling! But wait…something was wrong. What was it?
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Sometimes, online game servers make it extra easy to know the answer to this question.
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Whenever I get an absurd email forward that sounds too good to be true or simply insane, my first instinct is to look it up on Snopes. Nine out of ten times, I find it there, and I find that it is a false internet rumor – who would have thought?
Today at work, the following email exchange took place:
To: brah.john
From: Older Coworker
Check out this – I did not know this.
I quickly did my 10 seconds of research, and replied.
To: Older Coworker
From: brah.john
You can’t fool us whippersnappers. We have teh internets.
And then, as if he were paid to set himself up royally, he replied back.
To: brah.john
From: Older Coworker
At least us old farts know how to spell. I’m not sure what “teh” means:)
Laughing hysterically in my cube, my response merely contained a link to the Urban Dictionary definition of “Teh Internets“, of which the first definition is:
teh internets: A word often used scornfully to point out a newbie’s lack of knowledge of the internet and distinctive language. “OMG, liek, this is your first time on TEH INTERNETS!!!”
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Owning a home comes with new chores responsibilities. Mowing the lawn is something I haven’t had to do since living with my parents, so it was oddly exciting to start mowing my OWN lawn now that we have a house.
Feeling the pride of home ownership swell, I tromped into the backyard with my newly purchased lawn mower, quickly studying the land. I notice on one of the stepping bricks, some little ants have attempted to make a mound. I smush and scatter their home with my shoe, destroying all of their hard work, and I get on to mowing the lawn.
About 3 minutes later, in some sort of unholy synchronization, I feel several stings on my legs. I frantically start swiping off these once innocent ants. Of course, the act of swiping only seemed to spread them to other places on my body – including my arms and neck.
At this point, I was confused, and slowly realizing how many times I had been stung. Michigan has no such little demon ants – I recall playing with ants several times as a boy. Some days I would take the role of their merciful god and offering them chocolate and other goodies, and other days taking on the role of a benevolent overlord, causing spontaneous combustion with a simply magnifying glass.
Revenge was to be had on these new ants! It took all of 60 minutes for me to check the internet, identify the assailants, and go to the local store for some fire ant killer.
Revenge was had swiftly, but they certainly left their marks on my legs. It took a surprisingly long time for those stings to heal, and I think there are still little scars there.
I am happy to report though, our backyard has been fire ant free now for at least a month. I swear, I’m not cowering inside afraid of my own backyard.
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After playing Guitar Hero III on the Wii for countless hours, I’ve come to the conclusion that the game should come with a warning label:
Warning! This product may cause spontaneous air-guitar moves when out in public and one of the contained songs becomes audible. This product is not recommended for those individuals that are easily embarrassed.
I realized this after hitting up Rhar Brewing company for free beer. A guitar hero song came on, and I wasn’t quite sure how I knew the song, but I and a fellow Guitar Hero player both had strange urges to bust some of our best air-guitar moves.
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